No

Today was my appointment with Dr. Sarriera.  As I had mentioned in the last post, I stopped taking the Thalidomide.  The fatigue, the foggy head, the increased neuropathy, the no energy, the tears was not the way I wanted to be each day.  It took a few days but I was finally able to be a little like myself.  Never will be my old self but I could at least function.  Was able to get in my sewing room, wrap gifts, help get the tree up (Sasha and Ellie help decorate the tree), do some decorations in my house.  Nothing like I used to but it looks a bit like Christmas.  Do like our new tree.  We were even able to have Michelle and Gery over for dinner and dimes.  I still have the fatigue (chemo and cancer keeps that around for a long time) but nothing like I felt when on the Thalidomide.

Dr. Sarriera came in to the room and started by asking how I was feeling.  Told him a lot better since I am not taking the Thalidomide.  He did a quick exam and we talked.  He said maybe we decrease the dosage of the Thalidomide to 50 to see how that would work with the side effects.  I and Bill agrees, this family of drugs hasn't ever worked for me.  Revlimid and Pomalyst are part of that family and we know the reactions from them.  So Dr. Sarriera said he wanted to see how the numbers are when the labs come back.  Had labs drawn for Myeloma today.  Then depending on how they look, he would order a PetScan to see if the Myeloma is still in my legs and if somewhere else.  No chemo or Dex for now.  By this time, I am in tears.  Tears of I have had enough.  Tears of where do we go from here.  We discussed the option of going back on Darzalax and Kyprolis.  Bill and I remember this treatment was the one that worked the best for me out of all the various treatments I have had over the last almost 4 years but stopped working once I went from every other week to once a month.  Is this the way to go?? Maybe, just maybe, this may work again even if its only for several months to help prolong my life.  Once the PetScan is done and results back, there is a possibility of some radiation.  This would depend on how many lesions are showing and where, if any.  Since radiation is usually localized, this could be hard to do.  Is this the way to go??  Again, have to wait on the PetScan results.  We could go with a high dosage of chemo.  One that I would be in the hospital for several days.  This would be like the high dosage of chemo I had when I had my transplant.  Would knock all my blood counts down, nausea, skitters, lose my hair, no energy.  I remember it all from the transplant.  Is this the way to go??? Is this going to prolong my life?  Again, Dr. Sarriera wants to see the numbers from the labs.   No follow up appointment necessary until, you guessed it, the labs are all back.  Left the office in tears.  Bill and I have been upset about all this all evening.  Just will take one day at a time, one day at a time.  That's all we can do.

And I have to tell you all that the bubble in Bill's eye has dissipated.  Yeah.  His site is still a bit distorted but the hole is still healing.  And he is so happy that he no longer has to look through a million floaters.

With the holidays here, I remember things that our grandkids have done or said over the years. One that sticks in my mind especially when I am wrapping gifts is one of Kristopher.  We were handing out the presents and he realized after a while,  if it was a shirt box wrapped gift it was probably clothes.  So if we handed him a shirt box wrapped gift, he would hand it back and say "No"!!

Quote:

No matter what the weather is during your cancer journey, always bring your own sunshine.