Kabloom!
Today was day 3 of my radiation treatments. I did it without Ativan once again. I actually think I was in the room for a total of about 10 minutes. Hooked me in place, zapped me with radiation, unhooked me and done. Matt Noll was right. It only takes minutes. Not so bad. Still feeling pretty good. I did have to take a small nap today. That only happens every so often.
Working on getting my sewing room done. My therapy room. Bill has painted and hung my pegboard, my shelf and my picture. I hung my great grandfather's hat. Michelle found a ruler that is about 39 inches long and 6 inches wide at Home Goods when we where shopping on Sunday. Has several clips on it to hang things. Need to hang that yet. Working on some Prairie Points to put around the top of the pegboard. It's getting there. My therapy room. My sewing is my therapy. Hard to think about my cancer when my machine is humming away. Hard to think about my cancer while I am watching You Tube to learn how to make something. Hard to think about my cancer while looking around at my room full of fabric, cutting boards, baskets of fabric scraps, threads, buttons, cutters and several different unfinished projects. My therapy.
Yesterday FedEx left a box at my door that said Kabloom. I was talking to Kristi at the time. We figured it contained flowers. Kristi, being her funny self, said - "Mom, I don't care what the card says, the flowers are from me. Someone probably forged their name in place of mine." But they were not from Kristi. They were from my Kerri. A beautiful bouquet of daisies and a nice glass vase too. Here is what the card said "For my beautiful, strong Mom. Thank you for not giving up. I love you and miss you! xoxo". I love and miss my Kerri a lot. Bill, Kerri, Kristi, my son-in-laws. my beautiful 8 grandkids, my mom and I could go on and on are all reasons that I have not given up. Reasons I go through all I have to keep on keeping on! Hard at times, believe me, but I don't like the alternative.
Quote:
Life is tough my darling but so are you!!!
.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Expressing me!
Well day 2 of my radiation treatment went well. And I didn't even take an Ativan. Was a little shaky about it but decided I should at least try. They were running a bit late but that was okay. What wasn't okay was the lady sitting directly behind Bill talking as loud as she could on her cell and the older guy waiting on his wife hollering in Bill's ear. We eventually were able to move away from them. When the tech came out to get me, of course, I had to go to the bathroom. Once I was done in there, I asked her where else I could go to hide. Ha! They once again allowed Bill to come in the room with me while they got me in to position. Snapping that ole mask down with Bill's hand on my back makes it easier to relax. They, Gabi and Josh, had me in position in no time, all left the room and zap, zap. It was all over within 5-10 minutes. Really quick. Not near as long as the first day. I did it. Yeah. Tomorrow Bill told me I could take Uber since it doesn't take so long. 😉
Tonight I was IMing with my sister-in-law Connie. She wrote this to me:
"I read your blog two days ago. It brought tears to my eyes. Don't know how you stay so strong. Thank God you are able to write about your journey."
This made me stop and think a bit. My blog has been a place where I can express myself no matter what kind of a mood I may be in. No matter if I am feeling down, feeling up, hating the world, feeling sorry for myself, in a crying mood, in a happy mood, wishing I wasn't me, hating myself, hating the way I look, hating the way I feel, not liking anyone, tired, cranky, loving everyone, just what ever I want to write about. This is my blog "expressing me"! Long posts with lots of details, short posts, my posts. Me posts. I love looking at the number of page views my blog gets each day. And the audience I get. I have readers occasionally from Russia, Poland, Bolivia, UK, Ukraine to name a few. But the best readers are you guys. No matter what I post, what I say or how I may say it, you guys are still sticking with me, reading my posts and understanding my moods as they change. Love you all.
Thanks Connie for saying what you did making me realize how important my blog is to me and many others.
Quote:
You are the hero of your own story.
Well day 2 of my radiation treatment went well. And I didn't even take an Ativan. Was a little shaky about it but decided I should at least try. They were running a bit late but that was okay. What wasn't okay was the lady sitting directly behind Bill talking as loud as she could on her cell and the older guy waiting on his wife hollering in Bill's ear. We eventually were able to move away from them. When the tech came out to get me, of course, I had to go to the bathroom. Once I was done in there, I asked her where else I could go to hide. Ha! They once again allowed Bill to come in the room with me while they got me in to position. Snapping that ole mask down with Bill's hand on my back makes it easier to relax. They, Gabi and Josh, had me in position in no time, all left the room and zap, zap. It was all over within 5-10 minutes. Really quick. Not near as long as the first day. I did it. Yeah. Tomorrow Bill told me I could take Uber since it doesn't take so long. 😉
Tonight I was IMing with my sister-in-law Connie. She wrote this to me:
"I read your blog two days ago. It brought tears to my eyes. Don't know how you stay so strong. Thank God you are able to write about your journey."
This made me stop and think a bit. My blog has been a place where I can express myself no matter what kind of a mood I may be in. No matter if I am feeling down, feeling up, hating the world, feeling sorry for myself, in a crying mood, in a happy mood, wishing I wasn't me, hating myself, hating the way I look, hating the way I feel, not liking anyone, tired, cranky, loving everyone, just what ever I want to write about. This is my blog "expressing me"! Long posts with lots of details, short posts, my posts. Me posts. I love looking at the number of page views my blog gets each day. And the audience I get. I have readers occasionally from Russia, Poland, Bolivia, UK, Ukraine to name a few. But the best readers are you guys. No matter what I post, what I say or how I may say it, you guys are still sticking with me, reading my posts and understanding my moods as they change. Love you all.
Thanks Connie for saying what you did making me realize how important my blog is to me and many others.
Quote:
You are the hero of your own story.
Monday, July 10, 2017
You got this.
Frist radiation treatment today. Got to the Cancer Center around 10:45 for my 11 AM appointment. Popped an Ativan. In about 10 minutes, a tech named Josh came out to the waiting room to get me. He showed me where I needed to scan my card, which I hadn't been given one yet, to check in. Watch the screen to make sure scan registered. Can also see if your machine (my machine-cool) is running on time. My machine happens to be 23IX. And yes, Matt Noll, is it made by Varian. Looked for the label on it today. Josh walked us back to the radiation area where my machine, 23IX, was waiting for me. I asked if Bill could go along in with me. Answer was yes until they started the radiation. Meet Josh's assistance Gabi and then on in the room we went. Gabi started to explain things and my tears started to flow. Just couldn't help it. I knew my head was going to be snap down once my mask was put on. So glad Bill was there to wrap his arms around me and give me words of encouragement, words of hope and just let me cry a bit. Which he had already gone through with me this morning before we left. Calmed myself down a bit. Gabi got me a warm blanket and Josh asked me what kind of music I liked. I said Beethoven and Bill said piano music. Well, I am here to tell you that what ever he choose wasn't either. Ready to get into position? Yes. So here is my position. Picture this. Lay flat down on my stomach on a table, fore head laying on a metal plate facing down towards the table, chin laying on a metal plate facing down towards the table, legs straight and feet laying over a pillow wedge. Warm blanket. Next comes the mask. This is not a mask over my face but it is a mask the covers the back of my head. Not a Silence of the Lamb type. It's a mesh netting they formed during my planning appointment. Now hardened. They placed that over my the back of my head and snapped it down. I just had to see to make myself feel better if I could raise my head. What, they are going to holler at me? So! Well, I could raise my head. Made me feel a lot better knowing that. And yes, they sort of hollered including Bill. But dang, I can do it and that sure did make it easier for me. Dr. Nanda came in and made sure they were set at the right area for the radiation. Drew a few more dots on my head, gave his approval and good wishes and left. They were ready now to unsnap the mask and put the bolus under the mask and on top of my head. This is so the radiation hits the area but does not penetrate the brain. Bolus in place, mask back on and snapped in place. Everyone leaves including Bill and the radiation starts. The machine goes around me and I am not moving in and out of a tunnel. This last about 15 minutes and I was done. Unsnap the mask, set up for a bit, give me my schedule, give me a card to scan and say goodbye till tomorrow. Josh asked me to schedule the time I would like to come in each day. He had 7:40 AM, 9:40 AM, 2:40 PM all available. Bill said there wasn't any way he was going to try to have me up and over to the Cancer Center by 7:40 AM and even the 9:40 wouldn't work. So we took the 2:40. When Gabi printed out my schedule it says 2:00, not 2:40. Will see tomorrow which one was right.
We left the radiation department and headed back to the area where I had to scan my card to alert
Dr. Nanda I was done and was ready to see him. When you are doing radiation, you have to visit with your assigned oncology radiology doctor on their assigned days. Dr. Nanda's day is Monday. We waited about 10 minutes and they called us back. After blood pressure, weight and temperature taken by his assistant, his nurse came in to the room. Asked a few questions and left to get "The Boss" as she called him. Dr. Nanda came in to the room then and answered a few questions Bill and I had. I asked him why ten treatments? His explanation was instead of giving me one large zap of radiation, they break it out in to 10 appointments. This give the body 24 hours to head but since the cancer takes longer to heal, we want to get more radiation zapped in to the specific area. Hoping to start shrinking the tumors I have on my head. Again, 24 hours after that zap for the body to heal and hoping the tumor is shrinking more. Hope I didn't make this part too confusing.
We discussed Dr. Sarriera's plan of the new maintenance drug I will be taking once all this is over. I will get the name of that drug soon. Just haven't put it in my mind yet. Bill explained to Dr. Nanda that we want this stuff out of me, gone, done. He really wants to see me smile a real smile. Dr. Nanda laughed and said that I was smiling the day of the planning when I asked him if I did my homework okay? (The shaving of my head). We also talk about me taking my Ativan. I told him I many not take one tomorrow. If the treatment is only going to take 10 to 15 minutes, I may be able to handle it. Dr. Nanda's opinion is one of, "if you need them, take them)"
Bill finally called me around 4:30. Did I ant to sleep of get ready to go to my monthly Myeloma
support group meeting? Don't like to miss them so I was able to get up and get ready. Pouring buckets when we left but 10 minutes out side of Casselberry, nothing. Florida rainstorms. Meeting was good. Had our normal pasta plain and some sauce if you preferred, chicken breasts with spinach in a white sauce, eggplant parmesan, lasagna, salad and cannolis. A rep from Velcade was our speaker tonight. She was talking about a new drug coming into play for Multiple Myeloma.
When we went around the room telling about our Myeloma fight, once again Ben (the young guy who told me last meeting that I am his inspiration for hi) looked at me and said "You got this and you got this too Bill".
Quote:
You may see me struggle but you will never see me quit.
Frist radiation treatment today. Got to the Cancer Center around 10:45 for my 11 AM appointment. Popped an Ativan. In about 10 minutes, a tech named Josh came out to the waiting room to get me. He showed me where I needed to scan my card, which I hadn't been given one yet, to check in. Watch the screen to make sure scan registered. Can also see if your machine (my machine-cool) is running on time. My machine happens to be 23IX. And yes, Matt Noll, is it made by Varian. Looked for the label on it today. Josh walked us back to the radiation area where my machine, 23IX, was waiting for me. I asked if Bill could go along in with me. Answer was yes until they started the radiation. Meet Josh's assistance Gabi and then on in the room we went. Gabi started to explain things and my tears started to flow. Just couldn't help it. I knew my head was going to be snap down once my mask was put on. So glad Bill was there to wrap his arms around me and give me words of encouragement, words of hope and just let me cry a bit. Which he had already gone through with me this morning before we left. Calmed myself down a bit. Gabi got me a warm blanket and Josh asked me what kind of music I liked. I said Beethoven and Bill said piano music. Well, I am here to tell you that what ever he choose wasn't either. Ready to get into position? Yes. So here is my position. Picture this. Lay flat down on my stomach on a table, fore head laying on a metal plate facing down towards the table, chin laying on a metal plate facing down towards the table, legs straight and feet laying over a pillow wedge. Warm blanket. Next comes the mask. This is not a mask over my face but it is a mask the covers the back of my head. Not a Silence of the Lamb type. It's a mesh netting they formed during my planning appointment. Now hardened. They placed that over my the back of my head and snapped it down. I just had to see to make myself feel better if I could raise my head. What, they are going to holler at me? So! Well, I could raise my head. Made me feel a lot better knowing that. And yes, they sort of hollered including Bill. But dang, I can do it and that sure did make it easier for me. Dr. Nanda came in and made sure they were set at the right area for the radiation. Drew a few more dots on my head, gave his approval and good wishes and left. They were ready now to unsnap the mask and put the bolus under the mask and on top of my head. This is so the radiation hits the area but does not penetrate the brain. Bolus in place, mask back on and snapped in place. Everyone leaves including Bill and the radiation starts. The machine goes around me and I am not moving in and out of a tunnel. This last about 15 minutes and I was done. Unsnap the mask, set up for a bit, give me my schedule, give me a card to scan and say goodbye till tomorrow. Josh asked me to schedule the time I would like to come in each day. He had 7:40 AM, 9:40 AM, 2:40 PM all available. Bill said there wasn't any way he was going to try to have me up and over to the Cancer Center by 7:40 AM and even the 9:40 wouldn't work. So we took the 2:40. When Gabi printed out my schedule it says 2:00, not 2:40. Will see tomorrow which one was right.
We left the radiation department and headed back to the area where I had to scan my card to alert
Dr. Nanda I was done and was ready to see him. When you are doing radiation, you have to visit with your assigned oncology radiology doctor on their assigned days. Dr. Nanda's day is Monday. We waited about 10 minutes and they called us back. After blood pressure, weight and temperature taken by his assistant, his nurse came in to the room. Asked a few questions and left to get "The Boss" as she called him. Dr. Nanda came in to the room then and answered a few questions Bill and I had. I asked him why ten treatments? His explanation was instead of giving me one large zap of radiation, they break it out in to 10 appointments. This give the body 24 hours to head but since the cancer takes longer to heal, we want to get more radiation zapped in to the specific area. Hoping to start shrinking the tumors I have on my head. Again, 24 hours after that zap for the body to heal and hoping the tumor is shrinking more. Hope I didn't make this part too confusing.
We discussed Dr. Sarriera's plan of the new maintenance drug I will be taking once all this is over. I will get the name of that drug soon. Just haven't put it in my mind yet. Bill explained to Dr. Nanda that we want this stuff out of me, gone, done. He really wants to see me smile a real smile. Dr. Nanda laughed and said that I was smiling the day of the planning when I asked him if I did my homework okay? (The shaving of my head). We also talk about me taking my Ativan. I told him I many not take one tomorrow. If the treatment is only going to take 10 to 15 minutes, I may be able to handle it. Dr. Nanda's opinion is one of, "if you need them, take them)"
Bill finally called me around 4:30. Did I ant to sleep of get ready to go to my monthly Myeloma
support group meeting? Don't like to miss them so I was able to get up and get ready. Pouring buckets when we left but 10 minutes out side of Casselberry, nothing. Florida rainstorms. Meeting was good. Had our normal pasta plain and some sauce if you preferred, chicken breasts with spinach in a white sauce, eggplant parmesan, lasagna, salad and cannolis. A rep from Velcade was our speaker tonight. She was talking about a new drug coming into play for Multiple Myeloma.
When we went around the room telling about our Myeloma fight, once again Ben (the young guy who told me last meeting that I am his inspiration for hi) looked at me and said "You got this and you got this too Bill".
Quote:
You may see me struggle but you will never see me quit.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
A toast.
One year ago yesterday I was officially diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. One year ago, our lives came to a halt. WHAT, WHY, HOW, WHEN, WHERE? All running through my mind, Bill's mind, Kristi's mind, Matt's mind, Kerri's mind, Paul's mind. Trying to comprehend what is being said by my NEW doctor. An oncologist. What an oncologist??? Why?? This is not happening. How can I cry any more tears? When did this start?? Where all is the cancer? How is this going to be treated? Chemo med, steroids, shots of chemo. Then a what? A bone marrow transplant? 30 days away from home in a hospital. A lot of information to be stored in my brain. A lot of information about a treatable but not curable cancer. A lot of information.
That was one year ago. I have done the chemo meds, the steroids, the chemo shots. I have been told the cancer was only located in my head. I have been seeing Dr. Sarriera for a year now, my oncologist. I have cried a lot. Tears that flow unexpectedly some times. I have been 8 months out of my bone marrow transplant. I have learned a lot about Multiple Myeloma. I have been brave. I have been positive. I have been strong. I have been praying.
Yet one year later I am once again facing cancer. Once again hearing those ugly words. Once again told it's treatable but not curable. Once again facing a treatment plan. Once again crying. Once again smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. Once again scared.
Tomorrow, Monday the 10th of July, I start my new treatment plan. This time it's radiation. 10 days of radiation. Once again scared.
Bill poured him and I a glass of wine. Then a toast. His toast was to kick this cancer in the ass, get it the heck out of me and once again move on.
Quote:
If you are not okay, that's okay. It happens sometimes. But you have to tell yourself that things will be better tomorrow. Even if they are not better tomorrow, keep telling yourself they will be. Because eventually, tomorrow will be better.
One year ago yesterday I was officially diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. One year ago, our lives came to a halt. WHAT, WHY, HOW, WHEN, WHERE? All running through my mind, Bill's mind, Kristi's mind, Matt's mind, Kerri's mind, Paul's mind. Trying to comprehend what is being said by my NEW doctor. An oncologist. What an oncologist??? Why?? This is not happening. How can I cry any more tears? When did this start?? Where all is the cancer? How is this going to be treated? Chemo med, steroids, shots of chemo. Then a what? A bone marrow transplant? 30 days away from home in a hospital. A lot of information to be stored in my brain. A lot of information about a treatable but not curable cancer. A lot of information.
That was one year ago. I have done the chemo meds, the steroids, the chemo shots. I have been told the cancer was only located in my head. I have been seeing Dr. Sarriera for a year now, my oncologist. I have cried a lot. Tears that flow unexpectedly some times. I have been 8 months out of my bone marrow transplant. I have learned a lot about Multiple Myeloma. I have been brave. I have been positive. I have been strong. I have been praying.
Yet one year later I am once again facing cancer. Once again hearing those ugly words. Once again told it's treatable but not curable. Once again facing a treatment plan. Once again crying. Once again smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. Once again scared.
Tomorrow, Monday the 10th of July, I start my new treatment plan. This time it's radiation. 10 days of radiation. Once again scared.
Bill poured him and I a glass of wine. Then a toast. His toast was to kick this cancer in the ass, get it the heck out of me and once again move on.
Quote:
If you are not okay, that's okay. It happens sometimes. But you have to tell yourself that things will be better tomorrow. Even if they are not better tomorrow, keep telling yourself they will be. Because eventually, tomorrow will be better.
Thursday, July 6, 2017
Update
My radiation will start on Monday, July 10th instead of Wednesday, July 12th. Got a call from Angel saying that Dr. Nanda wants me to start on Monday. So we will start. This unknown of what goes on is driving me crazy so Monday will tell!!
Quote:
Let cancer be the shadow that disappears when life turns a new day.
My radiation will start on Monday, July 10th instead of Wednesday, July 12th. Got a call from Angel saying that Dr. Nanda wants me to start on Monday. So we will start. This unknown of what goes on is driving me crazy so Monday will tell!!
Quote:
Let cancer be the shadow that disappears when life turns a new day.
Monday, July 3, 2017
Ever wonder?
Left around 11;45 for my 12:45 appointment. Today was the "planning" for the radiation treatments. Very worrisome for me. The not knowing exactly what was happening is very scary. Got to the Cancer Center and stopped first for my meds. Both were ready but Bill noticed the one looked bigger than what I have been taking. He read the bottle and saw that it was the 800 mg of the Acyclovir. I take 400 mg. So pharmacy tech had to email Dr. Sarriera's office and get the right prescription. Will come back later.
Went to the oncology department and checked in. Fumbled around a bit and finally took the an
ativan In a few minutes, someone came out and got me. Can Bill go along? No problem, there is another waiting room where we are going. Got to the waiting room and that's where Bill had to wait. Not allowed to come back with me. Okay, I asked the Lord to walk with me through this hall and stay with me through this ordeal. He did. There were two techs that would be taking care of me today. They showed me the form of the mask need to cover my face. Needed to be heated and then formed around my face. One of the techs asked me the area the radiation will be aiming for. When I showed her, she asked if I would be able to lay on my stomach. Sure. Got things all set up. Me on my stomach. Another warm blanket added. Then Dr. Nanda came in. I asked him how I did on his homework assignment? Just laughed and started marking my head. I also asked him if he could draw a butterfly on my head. Didn't think so and it would cost extra. As he was dotting my head, he once again said remember the hair may not grow back in in this area. Something we just have to wait and find out. Dr. Nanda mentioned that he wanted me to start my treatments next Wednesday. After he was finished dotting my head, the two techs finished the drawing and formed the bolus, a piece of artful skin. Once that was done, they taped my head to the table with the bolus. Okay, now what. They then placed the heated mask over the back of my head. I asked if that is where the mask would be. Yes, easier for the radiation to get to the area needed. They snapped the mask in place to the table. I am doing okay, It will be okay. I can do this. Then I was sent in to the CT machine for pictures. That took about 10 minutes. The techs then took the bolus off my head. Mask back on and more pictures. Finally done after another 10 minutes. Techs took off the mask and I was able to get up. I did it, I did it. I asked the tech if the machine that actually does the radiation looked any thing like the CT scanner. She said no but we could see the exact one I would be using. I23. Got Bill and we went down to see it. Big machine. I23! She explained that I will be laying still and the machine will go around me. Didn't look too bad.
The tech then gave me an appointment card for July 12th at 1 PM for my first radiation treatment. So that's next Wednesday. Will go again on Thursday and Friday. Nothing Saturday or Sunday. Start again on Monday the 17th through Friday the 21st. Then Monday the 24th and Tuesday the 25th. That will be my 10 days. Ten days of radiation zapping my cancer in my head. 10 days of driving to the Cancer Center. 10 days that is supposed to kill the cancer in my head. 10 days!!
Did you ever wonder when you are sitting in front of someone that is registering you, asking you a few questions, if that person is really typing info in to your portal or if he/she is also answering an email from a friend at the same time? Just wondering.
Quote:
One day at a time, one step at a time. Do what you can, do your best. Then let God handle the rest.
Left around 11;45 for my 12:45 appointment. Today was the "planning" for the radiation treatments. Very worrisome for me. The not knowing exactly what was happening is very scary. Got to the Cancer Center and stopped first for my meds. Both were ready but Bill noticed the one looked bigger than what I have been taking. He read the bottle and saw that it was the 800 mg of the Acyclovir. I take 400 mg. So pharmacy tech had to email Dr. Sarriera's office and get the right prescription. Will come back later.
Went to the oncology department and checked in. Fumbled around a bit and finally took the an
ativan In a few minutes, someone came out and got me. Can Bill go along? No problem, there is another waiting room where we are going. Got to the waiting room and that's where Bill had to wait. Not allowed to come back with me. Okay, I asked the Lord to walk with me through this hall and stay with me through this ordeal. He did. There were two techs that would be taking care of me today. They showed me the form of the mask need to cover my face. Needed to be heated and then formed around my face. One of the techs asked me the area the radiation will be aiming for. When I showed her, she asked if I would be able to lay on my stomach. Sure. Got things all set up. Me on my stomach. Another warm blanket added. Then Dr. Nanda came in. I asked him how I did on his homework assignment? Just laughed and started marking my head. I also asked him if he could draw a butterfly on my head. Didn't think so and it would cost extra. As he was dotting my head, he once again said remember the hair may not grow back in in this area. Something we just have to wait and find out. Dr. Nanda mentioned that he wanted me to start my treatments next Wednesday. After he was finished dotting my head, the two techs finished the drawing and formed the bolus, a piece of artful skin. Once that was done, they taped my head to the table with the bolus. Okay, now what. They then placed the heated mask over the back of my head. I asked if that is where the mask would be. Yes, easier for the radiation to get to the area needed. They snapped the mask in place to the table. I am doing okay, It will be okay. I can do this. Then I was sent in to the CT machine for pictures. That took about 10 minutes. The techs then took the bolus off my head. Mask back on and more pictures. Finally done after another 10 minutes. Techs took off the mask and I was able to get up. I did it, I did it. I asked the tech if the machine that actually does the radiation looked any thing like the CT scanner. She said no but we could see the exact one I would be using. I23. Got Bill and we went down to see it. Big machine. I23! She explained that I will be laying still and the machine will go around me. Didn't look too bad.
The tech then gave me an appointment card for July 12th at 1 PM for my first radiation treatment. So that's next Wednesday. Will go again on Thursday and Friday. Nothing Saturday or Sunday. Start again on Monday the 17th through Friday the 21st. Then Monday the 24th and Tuesday the 25th. That will be my 10 days. Ten days of radiation zapping my cancer in my head. 10 days of driving to the Cancer Center. 10 days that is supposed to kill the cancer in my head. 10 days!!
Did you ever wonder when you are sitting in front of someone that is registering you, asking you a few questions, if that person is really typing info in to your portal or if he/she is also answering an email from a friend at the same time? Just wondering.
Quote:
One day at a time, one step at a time. Do what you can, do your best. Then let God handle the rest.
Sunday, July 2, 2017
Never get tired of!
Today I, once again, had my head shaved. Did okay with it until I got up to put my turban on and looked in the mirror. Tears flowed then. My hair was really getting long. About 2 inches I would say. I know there was a lot of hair on my cape. I didn't look on the floor because I didn't want to see it. Then the mirror happened. Was brave up till then. Bravery went out the window. But I don't have to be brave all the time. I am entitled to a little "not so brave" for a bit. This was one of those times. Bill was right there with me through it again leaving me be "not so brave" and upset. I know I am saving on shampoo. I know I don't have to worry about washing and drying my hair every day. I know I look like my Uncle Paul again. I know it will grow back in. I know I had to do this for the radiation treatments. But, dang, it hurts. Okay, everyone out there, I have had my little pity party for myself and my "no hair"! But I think I deserve it. And thanks for letting me express my feelings.
Tomorrow is my simulation tests, the making of my mask (I am not sure who I want it to look like), the Cat Scan of my head, the marking of my head for the radiation area (going to request XOXO), the nice feeling of my Ativan meds, the ride home and the get into bed that I won't remember. Ha! Will find out tomorrow when the actual radiation treatments start. Tentatively, July 10th.
Right now I am listening to the rumble of Florida thunder. I will say this over and over but I have never heard thunder like the Florida thunder. It sounds like it's going to rip our roof off. Flashlights and candles are always near by.
I had forgotten how cold my head gets without hair. But I have my collection of hats for that. I have a nice soft flannel one on now (thank you very much Sandy Domer). This is one of the 3 favorite ones that I wore before to keep my head warm. Is there such a thing as hot flashes of the head? I do think there is because I am having them today. Hat on, hat off, hat on, hat off.
My day ended with a ride to Jeremiah's for Gelati's with Michelle. My choice right now is the
Scoop Froggy Frog. A mix of mint chocolate chip Italian ice with vanilla ice cream. Michelle said Jeremiah's is good for the soul. I would say I agree.
Will soon be living in Florida for 2 years. July 9th. Do not regret this move one bit. Yes, I do miss my family and friends but I love being close to Kristi, Matt, Sasha, Ellie, Mom. May not see them for days but there if I want to see them. (Wish my Kerri and family lived near too). I will never get tired of the palm trees, the fluffy white clouds in the brilliant blue sky, hearing and seeing the planes flying above, the gorgeous crepe myrtles (need to get me one), the beautiful native plants and the Florida thunder.
Quote:
Communicate. Even when it's uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is to simply get everything out.
Today I, once again, had my head shaved. Did okay with it until I got up to put my turban on and looked in the mirror. Tears flowed then. My hair was really getting long. About 2 inches I would say. I know there was a lot of hair on my cape. I didn't look on the floor because I didn't want to see it. Then the mirror happened. Was brave up till then. Bravery went out the window. But I don't have to be brave all the time. I am entitled to a little "not so brave" for a bit. This was one of those times. Bill was right there with me through it again leaving me be "not so brave" and upset. I know I am saving on shampoo. I know I don't have to worry about washing and drying my hair every day. I know I look like my Uncle Paul again. I know it will grow back in. I know I had to do this for the radiation treatments. But, dang, it hurts. Okay, everyone out there, I have had my little pity party for myself and my "no hair"! But I think I deserve it. And thanks for letting me express my feelings.
Tomorrow is my simulation tests, the making of my mask (I am not sure who I want it to look like), the Cat Scan of my head, the marking of my head for the radiation area (going to request XOXO), the nice feeling of my Ativan meds, the ride home and the get into bed that I won't remember. Ha! Will find out tomorrow when the actual radiation treatments start. Tentatively, July 10th.
Right now I am listening to the rumble of Florida thunder. I will say this over and over but I have never heard thunder like the Florida thunder. It sounds like it's going to rip our roof off. Flashlights and candles are always near by.
I had forgotten how cold my head gets without hair. But I have my collection of hats for that. I have a nice soft flannel one on now (thank you very much Sandy Domer). This is one of the 3 favorite ones that I wore before to keep my head warm. Is there such a thing as hot flashes of the head? I do think there is because I am having them today. Hat on, hat off, hat on, hat off.
My day ended with a ride to Jeremiah's for Gelati's with Michelle. My choice right now is the
Scoop Froggy Frog. A mix of mint chocolate chip Italian ice with vanilla ice cream. Michelle said Jeremiah's is good for the soul. I would say I agree.
Will soon be living in Florida for 2 years. July 9th. Do not regret this move one bit. Yes, I do miss my family and friends but I love being close to Kristi, Matt, Sasha, Ellie, Mom. May not see them for days but there if I want to see them. (Wish my Kerri and family lived near too). I will never get tired of the palm trees, the fluffy white clouds in the brilliant blue sky, hearing and seeing the planes flying above, the gorgeous crepe myrtles (need to get me one), the beautiful native plants and the Florida thunder.
Quote:
Communicate. Even when it's uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is to simply get everything out.
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