Never noticed that before.

Today we met with Dr. Nanda, Radiation Oncologist.  He was once again very soft spoken, caring and concerned that I completely understood what was going to happen next in my treatment plan.  He also discussed all the tests I had, confirming what Dr. Sarriera told us.   No other Multiple Myeloma found anywhere else in my body or bone marrow.  Just the area in my head where the tumor was removed.  The plan will be radiation for 10 days total.  2 five day weeks.  The type radiation will be electrons.  This is the plan that was discussed and determined by the panel which included all three of my doctors and Abby.

Then he went on to explain the next appointment is what is called a planning appointment.  First before that appointment, I need to shave my head.  The whole head.  That was a big slap to me even though I had thought I would probably have to do this.  Reality I guess.  What happens during that appointment also has me anxious.  They will be making a mask to fit over my face to wear during the radiation treatments.  This mask will be fastened down to the table to keep me from moving my head.  (Deep breathing here as I type, tears falling in the office)!  Also, during this visit, Dr. Nanda will be marking my head for the area to be treated.  Louise, you are familiar with these markings.  They will also do a cat scan of my head to make sure the markings are in the correct area.  (More deep breathing here).  They will also make some artificial skin, called bolus, to get the mask up so the radiation only penetrates the surface of my head and not the brain.  This appointment is also considered a simulation appointment.  One that will be similar to the real radiation treatments.  Breaking me in I guess.  Dr. Nanda must have noticed me wringing my hands and saw the look of fear in my eyes.  Bill was telling me to calm down, that it will be fine.  Dr. Nanda started talking about giving me another prescription for Atavan.  Which I right away, I agreed with!

He then asked if we had any questions.  Yes, what are the side effects?  Mostly fatigue, some people experience vomiting and a headache.  Another side effect will be the changes in the skin where the radiation is administered.  May become irritated, blistered, scaly,  Another side effect is hair loss.  Since I will be shaving my head, I won't have to worry about that.  There is a 1% chance in a blue moon that the hair may not grow back in the area of treatment.  I asked what the machine looked like.   Was it inclosed, open???  Will see that during the planning appointment.

Dr. Nanda then shook our hands and on the way out the door he said - don't forget your homework before your planning appointment!  Shave your head for me.  My nurse will be right in with paperwork for you.  More tears.  Hard to keep them back.

Nurse came in with papers to be signed and a packet of papers for us to read at home.  She explained the next steps again.  Gave us some info on ointments to use on the spot of treatment.  I have to meet with Dr. Nanda every Monday after my treatment.  Will be hearing from Angel soon.  She will be submitting my information to my insurance and once they get approval, I will be contacted to schedule an appointment for planning/simulation.  Once that appointment is final and all requirements met, they will schedule my radiation appointments.  Signed papers, got the script for the Atavan and we were finished.

Done.  Another wall to climb.  Soon to be a year since I was first diagnosed.  I had some of those feelings again from a year ago as we left the Cancer Center.  Feelings of what did I just hear, this is happening to me why?, unbelievable!  Add to those feelings ones of, not again, how will I get through this now, why me, why so soon, chemo and now radiation and more thoughts bringing more tears.  I am strong and I am positive but right now, I feel beaten down and not feeling strong and positive.   Right now I am hurting.  Right now I am trying to forget what I just heard once again less than a year later.  Right now I am trying to just be me without cancer.  Right now!!  Thank you family and friends for listening to me rant right now and still caring.

Bill and I have been traveling to the Cancer Center for almost a year now.  Mostly taking the same route each time.  It's amazing though how many times one of us will see something that we have never noticed before.  Like a very small restaurant sitting in the middle of a parking lot, a hotel near down town, a women's health center in the middle of the highway.  We love Florida and not a day goes by that I don't thank the Lord for all that He has done for us since we first decided to make our dreams of moving here come true.  There is a reason for everything.

Quote:

Strength doesn't come from what you can do.  It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't.