I will survive.

I got the call making my appointment for my port insertion.  Intervention Radiology.  Sounds scary doesn't it?  You all know that I am not a morning person but I guess they don't.  My appointment is for Tuesday at 6 AM.  Yep, 6 AM.  The actual surgery time is at 8 AM but I have to be there at 6 AM. We will have to leave here a bit after 5.  That means up at 4 AM.  The ride there shouldn't take near as long as usual.  I don't think there will be much traffic then.  But again, there doesn't seem to be any time there isn't some traffic in Orlando or its surrounding area.  I will be put under for this procedure so I will be sleeping most of the day to make up for the early morning uprising.

Thursday and Friday were not real good days for Bill or me.  Thursday, of course, was the day of my doctors appointment and we had to digest more disappointing news.  Neither one of us got a lot of sleep that night.  Friday morning it hit me again.  Then I looked in the mirror at my head where the radiation was targeted.  Well, Dr. Nanda was right when he said the radiation would continue to work for a bit.  My hair.  My hair in the area of the radiation had almost all fallen out.  My hair.  My hair, even though it was only maybe 1/4 inch long, was almost all gone where the radiation was administered.  A nice large area of a bald head was very visible.  A large bald area of my head.  Bald.  Very upsetting even though Dr. Nanda said this would happen.  Very upsetting to see a large bald area and yet see hair growing on the other parts of my scalp.  Hair that is once again 1/4 inch long.  I am now praying the hair on this bald spot will grow back again.  Dr. Nanada said there is a small percentage of people whose hair doesn't not grow back in the area of the radiation but I choose not to be among that percentage.  I choose to not have to wear a wig.  I choose not to have to wear a hat or scarf forever.  I choose to have hair again.  I pray this bald spot is just for the time being.  So many tears Friday morning.  So many.

Remember the song I will Survive by Gloria Gaynor?   Well, I heard that song the other day and I thought some of the words were being sung to me.  Not all of them of course but some of them.  Like:

Oh, no, not I
I will survive.
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I got all my life to live 
I got all my love to give
I will survive.

Go on now, go.  Walk out the door
Just turn around now cause you're not welcome anymore.

I will survive.

Like I said, not all the words.  Just these few.

Quote:

It's not about bravery.  It's about what I need to do to win my battle against Multiple Myeloma.