Jury duty!

Hands were really bothersome last night.  Had me up walking the floors during arm and hand exercises.  Not much help.  Got a lot more sleep then have been getting though.  Each day as these meds kick in, I know my body is getting weaker, more fatigued, less energy.  All this to get me ready for a transplant.  

This morning I told Kristi that I was angry because I can't be the grandmother I want to be right now, the mother I want to be right now, the wife I want to be right now, the daughter, sister, friend I want to be right now.   Her response was -"Good!  You should be angry.  It's not fair but you're doing your best and 6 months from now it will all be good."  

I am angry because cancer choose me.  I am angry because cancer still exists.  I am angry because I didn't take better care of myself.  I am angry because I am putting my family in this predicament.  I am angry because cancer interrupted the smoothness of my life.  I am angry because I am irritable, moody, weepy and sometimes cause pain for the people I love the most.  I am angry because of the waiting.   I am angry because I feel guilty for feeling angry.  Anger is part of the ride.  Anger is a part of the cancer experience and you need to feel it sometimes.  And as Kerri said to me a little while ago, use your anger Mom to fight back.  

And one more, I am angry because I was chosen for jury duty on November 14th and can't serve.  😉

Quote:

Anger is a signal - one worth listening too!